I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Randomize
