areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize