Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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