Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
