I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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