Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
