No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
