so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
