well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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