he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
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