yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
