That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.