a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach