Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
