i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
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you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
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She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been