Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.