Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
