You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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