yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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