dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
