we have officially lost it.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
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