Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
