I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
