Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
His hands were made for my vagina.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
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Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
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We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
pray to the hookup gods
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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