you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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