This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
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I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
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I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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