I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
