Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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