Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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