all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize