the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
