I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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