i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
