He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
