She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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