I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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