My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You're a waste of cheezeits
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
