i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
