Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
