She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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