Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
