can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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