Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
