Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
