My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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