Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
