Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
