Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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