everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
