omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
