Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
