what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
