If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
