I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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