Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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