Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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