i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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