Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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