he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
