Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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