He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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