She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
