When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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