Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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