Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
