I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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