i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
