I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Who died my cat blue again?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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