the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
