he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
