alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
