He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
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I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
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Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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