I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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