I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
ttyl tear gas
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
