haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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