I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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